What's the Difference Between Ego and Confidence?
One of the most harmful things affecting our ability to trust our intuition is our confusion between ‘ego’ and ‘confidence’. These concepts are related but different, and understanding the difference is one key to learning how to trust ourselves. Confusing these terms can prevent us from trusting ourselves and diminish abundance in our lives.
Confidence is rewarded, but ego is frowned upon. How many times have you heard the following?
That's just ego talking.
Who does she think she is?
They're conceited.
Reading this list, how do you feel? For most of us, these don’t generate warm, fuzzy feelings! This negativity enters our consciousness and the universe, and it tells us that thinking highly of ourselves is bad. Let that sink in for a moment. How can we trust ourselves if we can’t value ourselves - our skills, knowledge, and attributes?
Growing up, I thought to be conceited was about the worst thing you could be. So, I hid my confidence, played small, and didn't let others see my skills. This misunderstanding of ego and confidence delayed my own development by decades.
So, what are ego and confidence?
Ego
Ego establishes our identity. It is our sense of self and it operates out of self-interest. Everyone has an ego - it’s what tells each of us that we are ourselves and not somebody else.
Unfortunately, ego often operates at a self-righteous level, criticizing others. Eckhart Tolle writes that “ego is continuously struggling for survival, trying to protect and enlarge itself.” (1) While most of my readers probably don’t have excessive egos, if you find yourself judging others, you may have work to do.
Confidence
Confidence is having faith in our own abilities and believing in ourselves. It is trusting and relying upon our own skills and competence. As long as confidence is based on facts, it serves us by providing the courage to complete large and small tasks and to stretch our abilities into new endeavors.
Overconfidence or false confidence is about us believing that our abilities are greater than they actually are. It can lead to excessive risk-taking when we ignore our susceptibility to error. Overconfidence is also closely tied to the confusion between ego and confidence - when we see an overconfident person, we may think they are cocky or disrespectful. We may judge them to be ‘conceited’.
Knowing
And then you throw 'knowing' into the equation. I'm talking about that deep down knowing that we all have. If we lack confidence in what we believe about ourselves how do we make the leap to trust what we know?
Knowing comes from within. ‘Belief’ implies the possibility of error, but when we ‘know’ something, there’s no room for doubt. We know something to be true because we have experienced it firsthand. It doesn’t matter if no one - or everyone else - knows it because we trust our own awareness. (2)
Trust that which you know
The idea that we can't believe we're good at something interferes with how we see ourselves. From a young age, we’re taught not to trust good thoughts about ourselves. That they are somehow bad.
But confidence and knowing are what take our lives to the next level. We can trust ourselves, knowing our ability to do what is best for us will serve our greater purpose. Doing what is best for ourselves day after day leads to living the best possible life.
What you know about yourself directly shapes the amount of abundance in your life.
When I became a business owner it was finally OK for me to show confidence. In fact, my job in sales demanded that I appear confident. This was the first time in my life that it was socially acceptable to do so.
Believing in myself does not make me conceited. It means that I know myself - strengths and weaknesses - and I trust in my abilities. This is confidence.
What are your strengths and what do you know? Please comment below, I’d love to hear from you!
Written by Renee Spears. Renee is a Law of Attraction Coach & Mentor, Spiritual Advisor, and Host of The Abundology Podcast. Learn more and work with Renee here.
(1) Tolle, Eckhart. A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose. Penguin, 2006.
(2) https://www.huffpost.com/entry/knowing-the-power-of-spir_b_669707